It decided to kick me in the lady balls yesterday.
It’s been a while since the last time it decided to visit me in full force but it was for sure out for the kill. I started a new job on Friday. Usually this wouldn’t be that big of a deal for me because I have worked full time most of my adult life. But this time around I haven’t been employed for two years. In fact, I have been at home most of these two years besides the occasional trips to the grocery and Lilly’s doctor appointments.
As some of you may know, I moved to North Carolina about 2 years ago to get sober. I left all of my friends and family behind to start over. The only one who came along that I knew was my boyfriend of then 2 years. The first few months I stayed home and went through the sickness of quitting cold turkey. I really didn’t want to do anything but get better. Then I found out I was preggo with Lilly and I was put on bed rest most of my pregnancy. Now Lilly is almost 11 months and in the last 2 years I really haven’t had any adult human contact besides all my friends I have met online while blogging and reviewing.
I have forgotten how to people?!
It sounds so funny to think of it that way but it is honestly the only way I know how to describe it. Could it be that living in seclusion with Nick Jr. 24/7 has made me forgotten who I am? My boyfriend doesn’t understand. I have always been an outgoing, funny, and talkative person. It has actually started several arguments between us lately because I just don’t know what to tell him.
My anxiety comes in many forms but in the end it is all the same. Sometimes, I feel like the pressure to be sober and happy is taking over. Sometimes, I feel like everyone is going to find out my rocky past and judge me so I get nervous around new people. This usually leads to people not getting closer to me. I have always had a lot of friends and I have always been that girl that got invited to everyone’s get together’s.
So how can I be the fun party girl still without the party?
So many thoughts have been running through my head lately and I just can’t keep up with them. On the plus side, I got to talk to my oldest Kyra on the phone. She started Kindergarten this year and gave me the full run down on how much she loves school and her favorite class is Gym and Recess LOL. She is even learning to talk better now she is in school. I am one proud mama that’s for sure! She also didn’t hesitate to tell me what she wanted from Santa this year so it has given me motivation to keep this job despite of the mental challenges it is presenting. Her Kindergarten picture turned out amazing as well. She’s photogenic just like her mama! I love and miss her like crazy every day!
Often, I turn to a lot of self-help books since I don’t currently attend therapy. I highly suggest those who find themselves struggling, like myself, to check out D.C Berkel’s Anxiety Workbook For Women. It is chalk full of exercises, tips, and even has a 30 Day Anxiety Bust Through Program. You can get the Bronze Package of the workbook for only $17 or get the full book (Gold Package) with everything she offers for $97!
Right now you can take advantage of her Cyber Monday deal, starting today until Monday Night, to get 50% OFF using code: happycm2016
Do you suffer from anxiety or ever been in a situation similar to mine? How did you manage? Does it get easier? I’d love to hear some suggestions in the comments below!
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